childish vs child-like

Both terms are very different, God wants us to be mature but also child-like.

Today I realize that I am still very childish, regretful of my childishness that might hurt my friends. Sometimes being irreasonable and sensitive over small matter, no idea why I am like this. It must be because I could not maintain good relationship with God in the past week. =(

God, please help me to be more mature, to prioritize relation with You. May God help me. Amen.

mixed feeling

Let's talk back about exactly a week a go, it was my birthday. I was still working as usual, my friend and I were having lunch @ Fish n Co Jurong Point. When we came back, we heard a shocking new. My fellow colleague passed away in an accident that morning. Since then,I cannot concentrate on my work,I have mixed feeling,might be worst birthday so far.

I was reminded again by the reflections and thoughts I had in the previous week. Life is indeed so short,it's fragile. He's not yet 25, but within few days, he's not around us anymore. Every moment you see a person might be the last chance. Let's be more sensitive to every opportunity that God gives us.

Proverbs 25

As usual, near birthday I will read Proverbs according to my age. Since I'm going to 25, I read Prov 25.

Verses that I notify most: verse 11 27 28.
Roma 14:8
Sebab jika kita hidup, kita hidup untuk Tuhan, dan jika kita mati, kita mati untuk Tuhan. Jadi baik hidup atau mati, kita adalah milih Tuhan.

chemistry and ministry

Some define chemistry : Chem is try. It's true that chemistry involves a lot of trial error and experiments.

How about ministry? Is it based on trying? I would rather used word "calling" than trying.

actor get sacked for his principle

http://ibtimes.com.au/articles/20100403/neal-mcdonough-fired-from-tv-job-after-refusing-sex-scenes.htm

Can see from the link, an actor (Neal McDonough) was fired after refusing to do sex scene. Not many people choose beliefs/faith compared to money. Another actor that I knew having same principle is James Caviezel (Passion of Christ). They are both devout catholic and I admire them for their principle.

Heaven is not on earth (a birthday reflection)

I will be officially 25 in few days time. I have reflected for the past weeks a lot, not necessarily related to this, but somehow it's connected. Yesterday, I was almost hit by a car. I was calling my friend and did not see the traffic light is red for pedestrian. I just crossed the road happily and realized only after a car honked at me. Fiuh, luckily I was safe. I really thanked God for letting me pass that moment.

It is also related to what I have reflected previous week. Everytime a Christian celebrates birthday, the first sentence is "I thank God that I have been living for xx years". Not that I'm not thankful enough, but I'm afraid that I really love "the world" that I do not want death/heaven more than this earth. The heaven is not on earth! Many Christians try to make earth as their heaven. May be I too do not miss heaven as I'm very comfortable here.

As I'm turning to 25, may I struggle more than I should. My struggle is that I never struggle enough, in working life, ministry, family, calling, life partner. These few days or weeks have been very blessing since I reflected a lot, but not all of them I can remember.

memberi dan menerima

Di dalam alkitab ada tertulis berbahagialah orang yang memberi daripada yang menerima. Salah satu kejatuhan manusia memang membuat manusia egois, memikirkan diri sebagai pusat, dan implikasinya tidak mau memberi. Tidak memberi berarti menahan berkat yang Tuhan sudah berikan kepada kita. Kesalahannya biasanya karena kita berpikir, yang kita punya, kita layak untuk mendapatkan. Itu hasil usahaku, itu adalah milikku. Kita sering lupa kita hanya steward, pelayan atas segala apa yang dipercayakan Tuhan. Manusia memang cenderung mau menerima daripada memberi, karena menerima lebih untung daripada memberi. Ini namanya selfish.

Yang menarik, saya pikir ada juga satu ekstrim yang lain: memberi terus2an dan tidak bisa menerima. Orang yang memberi harus punya motivasi benar, kalau tidak dia bisa merasa menjadi "Tuhan" atau sumber pemberi anugerah. Ada orang yang terlalu terbiasa memberi, karena dengan memberi dia merasa lebih tinggi dari orang lain. Celakanya, ketika dia butuh pertolongan, dia tidak mau menerima bantuan orang lain. Alasannya: gengsi, tidak merasakan perlu, masalah akan pergi dengan sendirinya, dan berbagai macam lainnya.

Walaupun dikatakan lebih baik memberi daripada menerima, bukan berarti kita tidak boleh menerima. Bayangkan kalau semua orang memberi, lalu siapa yang akan menerima? Seserang yang menerima harus punya kerendahan hati terlebih dahulu, mengaku bahwa dirinya kurang dan perlu pertolongan orang lain. Banyak orang yang enggan menerima pertolongan karena kurang rendah hati, pride terlalu tinggi. Dlm khotbah beberapa waktu lalu, tentang Elisa dan janda (2raj 4) ada pelajaran penting yang saya dapat.

Janda pertama minta tolong, untuk minta tolong harus punya pengetahuan dan kesadaran kalau dirinya kurang dan perlu ditolong. kedua,harus punya kerendahan hati untuk membiarkan orang lain menolong. Lalu janda ditanya: apa yang ada padamu? janda menjawab, tidak ada apapun kecuali satu buli minyak. Dalam kondisi kekurangan, janda masih bisa melihat ada anugerah Tuhan. Kita seringkali dalam sedikit kekurangan dan ketidaknyamanan lupa sama sekali dengan anugerah lain yang Tuhan berikan pada kita. Sedikit out of context dari topik, tp saya rasa pembelajaran yang penting.

Mari belajar untuk saling memberi dan menerima.
*tulisan ini memang tidak cocok untuk orang yang tidak suka memberi.*

growth and experience

People often indicates spiritual growth by how often he/she serves in church, how frequent he is in church, how long he became christian, how diligent he goes to fellowship, and how he experience life.

Often we think if someone is older the more mature he is spiritually. It is partly true, when someone grows older, it is very natural to grow spiritually if he is a believer. However, that is not absolute.

Growth is not how much experience a person went through, but how he responds to experience. "Man is what he reacts before God" (Stephen Tong)

Kel 22:1

Interesting, while reading bible from Exodus 22, wondering whether it's parallel with the event that Zakheus, seorang pemungut cukai bertobat dan mengganti uang nya 4x lipat. Paralel kah?

bingung juga, kalau dibalas 4x lipat, secara matematika agak sulit. kok bisa dia mengganti jumlah 4x lipat pemasukannya? assume pemasukannya = gaji + hasil peras. Assume hasil peras > gaji nya, 4x lipat dari mana ya? >.<..

anw, not so important point. so happy coz of happy soda!! yay..

Finally...

Fiuh, ternyata sudah 7 bulan ngga nge-post. Fiuh, udah ketinggalan banyak banget dengan teman2 lain. Kalau berkat tidak dicatat dan dibagikan, ternyata memang sangat mudah terlupa. Try to write a diary or journal more often. For a simple start, just share what I get yesterday. More on reflective than doctrinal karena semakin nyadar makin lama, kalau doktrin masih belum begitu kuat.

8 Feb 2009

Kemaren remaja bahas tentang Yakub dan Yusuf, bagaimana Yusuf dalam kesulitan tidak menyalahkan Tuhan, tetap persistent di dalam kesulitan, setia dan takut akan Tuhan. Bagaimana Yakub tidak mau ketinggalan berkat Tuhan, selalu mengejar.

Ajarkan aku untuk belajar seperti Yakub, tidak menyia-nyiakan kesempatan mendapat berkat Tuhan, dan bagaimana Yusuf selalu takut akan Tuhan, menjaga kesucian hidup, tetap setia dalam perkara kecil, tetap setia di dalam kesulitan.

Ajarkan aku untuk mengingat Firman Tuhan senantiasa seperti Mazmur 1. Ko Audy shared this: Bagaimana mengasihi Tuhan?(Ulangan 13:4-6) Walk after Lord (Follow), Fear of the Lord, Hold on to His commandments, Obey His Word, Serve Him and Cling onto Him.

total depravity of man

Last week I had 3-day training and met new guys from other companies as well. On second day of training, I went home with a guy from Malaysia. He likes sports as I do, and ask me "Do you bet?" I said No. He then said, "Oh, you're a good guy!"

It seems clear that he knows the standard of good in this case. But, why he doesn't practise it? There's always gap between what man knows and what man does. God created us in His image, and He gave us conscience as our own judge against our wrong deeds. We know up to certain level the standard of good and evil. However, since the fall of man, conscience is the one who is most affected. Conscience would affect thought, and thought affects action. When conscience has fallen into sin, man can not do good things, that is total depravity of man.

However, the total depravity of man does not mean there's nothing good left inside man. Man as an essence is still God's creature. Man still has God's representative inside every people, which is conscience. Conscience avoids people become worsen, conscience makes people thinks twice before they commit an offence. Conscience as general revelation is also reflected to human law. However, conscience is not the standard since everyone would have different standard.

Why man can not do what he knows good? That is Paul's struggle in Romans chapter 7 (esp Rm 7:19). Every man has his sinful nature. An unbeliever, who does not have Holy Spirit cannot control his sinful nature. Although he is an educated person, but his flesh is weak, his sinful desires would control his thought and action. Often we heard that parliament members have an affair with his secretary or prostitutes. Don't they know that the action is against of moral value of society? It seems that common grace still exists clearly in society system in Indonesia, not like Western who even agreed homosexuality by law in some states. Common grace seems being neglected even more in Western country nowadays.

I think I don't have time to elaborate further now. I'm sleepy.
Anyway a little update, I have been offered for Master coursework part time. Deadline is this Friday, I am thinking to accept due to my calling. I want to have more "flexible" calling, so whenever God gives clear calls, my qualification would not be a problem.

capenya

Whoaaa... capenya... ga kebayang gimana cape-nya Pak Tong yang cuman tidur 4 jam sehari, ini tidur 8 jam ajah masih ngomel2... >.<...I'm trying to read few books. Quite surprised with my sudden mood to read books. I finished reading 2 books within less a week!! NEW RECORD by JETAN.. yayyy!!

I dont know what book should I read, I cant read English fast!!.. my Indonesian books are limited..huaaa... someone who borrows my book, please return dong, esp yang Indonesia.. tapi, gpp deh ada kelas Soter tiap selasa kamis yang bisa fulfil my need within this month =D..

*GEJE MODE*

Baptism Day

Today there was sacrament during service. Few people were baptized, SIDI, and atestasi. Remembering half year a go when I experienced this sacrament, my heart was full of praise and thanks. My spirit zeals and long for Lord. After half year past, I'm not sure how that day affects me.

To my brothers and sisters who received sacrament today. May you all be faithful in journey. We are witnesses today, and would be your witnesses for your journey... till the END...

Theology Test

Fiuh... I took test from this web
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=43870

The result is surprising. I took this test few years a go. I think I was a fundamentalist/Neo-Orthodox at that time. Time changes, theological view changes, but scary 100% >.<


What's your theological worldview?
You scored as a Reformed Evangelical
You are a Reformed Evangelical. You take the Bible very seriously because it is God's Word. You most likely hold to TULIP and are sceptical about the possibilities of universal atonement or resistible grace. The most important thing the Church can do is make sure people hear how they can go to heaven when they die.
Reformed Evangelical
100%
Neo orthodox
82%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
71%
Fundamentalist
68%
Roman Catholic
46%
Emergent/Postmodern
43%
Classical Liberal
36%
Charismatic/Pentecostal
32%
Modern Liberal
29%

Scary Experience

I was walking alone to buy my lunch outside. I have to walk about 2 bus stops away. When I reached the bus stop, there's one Indian guy called me.

Guy: Excuse Me
Me: Ya?
Guy: You know what, you are a very lucky guy. You know why? (His sharp eyes stared at me)
Me (just left without saying anything)

One thing I always kept thinking negative about that person. Feeling that I would be hypnotized etc. My brother experienced it once before. Soon after that, I'm feeling dizzy, but don't know whether it's due to tiredness or psychological reason. Then, I called Alen hahaha in case I have to meet the person again! Duh... It's a long story deh, until I asked my friend to accompany me back to office.

One thing learnt from this experience. We always think that we are safe enough in Singapore. However, actually we do not know how often we faced danger every day!! But God's hand always beside us. We should be really thankful for His providence.

God Enables Me

Fiuhhh... Last Saturday mellow-ness... I was in MRT thinking about why I chose Remaja... Am I suitable enough? Am I competent enough? Am I mature enough? All the questions lead to a 'NO' answer.

I would never be good enough, I would never be strong enough, I would never be mature enough to be their pembina. But one thing that I know, whenever God entrusted me, He will always enables me. He will also prepare my heart, mind, and attitude to be seen or read by others.

2Kor 3:3
Karena telah ternyata, bahwa kamu adalah surat Kristus, yang ditulis oleh pelayanan kami, ditulis bukan dengan tinta, tetapi dengan Roh dari Allah yang hidup, bukan pada loh-loh batu, melainkan pada loh-loh daging, yaitu di dalam hati manusia.

1Kor 15:10
Tetapi karena kasih karunia Allah aku adalah sebagaimana aku ada sekarang, dan kasih karunia yang dianugerahkan-Nya kepadaku tidak sia-sia. Sebaliknya, aku telah bekerja lebih keras dari pada mereka semua; tetapi bukannya aku, melainkan kasih karunia Allah yang menyertai aku.

A Day to Remember

A year a go, and a year to go...
I am thankful for the past, but don't know the future...
I am praying for what's best, not what's good...
I am considering future while remembering the past...
God made memory to recall His kindness...
God made this day so I can praise Him...

21-02-2008

Happiness is the Lord!!

There is no secret that most of mankind goal is to be happy.. When we talked about happiness, some relate it to contentment.. One could be happy if he satisfies with his current condition.. However, what we see now, people are not satisfied with what they are.. They always expect to be better than today.. Rich people want to get richer, powerful people want to get more power and so on..

In contrast, when we see village people, some of them satisfy with their condition although they are not rich.. They live a simple life.. What makes a man happy? According to Westminster Confession of Faith, the ultimate happiness of man if he can enjoy the source of happiness.. Man gains ultimate happiness by enjoying the ultimate being.. *Read chapter 1 Westminster Confession of Faith*

If we satisfy with our money and power, don't forget they can be gone.. They are temporary.. How if we satisfy with God, the source of wealth, power, happiness, etc? We can't find any reason for not to be happy.. Why men grumble? Why men self pity themselves? I think the answer because they are not satisfied with themselves.. Why they are not satisfied with their condition? It is because they are not satisfied with God who gives the condition or lets something happen to them..

Every man problem is a spiritual problem.. This sentence needs to be clarified further, but I am standing on this point.. Whatever human problem is actually because they are not content with God.. Atheist adalah orang yang paling nggak content with God (I can't translate this >.<).. How is the practice to be content with God? Start with thanksgiving for what He has given to you.. A writer said even though God did not give anything (cloth, money, intelligence,etc.) to you, it doesn't make Him a 'bad God'.. He's still good for us since He has sacrificed His own Son.. That sacrifice cannot be compared by others grace.. If God gives us love, money, power, intelligence, that's a bonus.. Actually we are not deserved.. So, learn to be thankful..

Let go and let God

New year mode!!.. Really want to relax and enjoy holiday.. I watched Freedomland just now.. It's kinda boring actually.. but I managed to finish that movie.. It tells story about a mom who lost his child, and the main character Samuel Jackson told her, sometimes we have to just let go and let God..

It's one of the answer for my previous post.. How to release from keterikatan? Probably you have to let it go and let God.. We could not forget what happened in past.. Somebody told me, that she can forgive her friend, but could not forget what her friend did.. Jesus never taught us to forget 'our enemies sin', but to love 'our enemies'.. Of course it's easier to forgive and forget.. However, our memories will still exist and that's the challenge for Christian to forgive.. It's impossible for us to forget a terrible thing that happened.. Our memories also 'prove' there is eternity indeed.. Therefore, forgiving is also in a process of time..

When we forgived others, it is probably not a 'complete forgiving'.. Our forgiving attitude and heart has to be sanctified day by day.. Have you experienced when let say you have forgived someone, but in the next days you remind him about his mistake? Or you forgived him yesterday, but hate him today? Forgiveness is a process since we are not perfect.. Therefore, we should learn humbly to forgive others..

My Biggest Sin

I'm confused now.I have been overwhelmed with this thought for few days. I think it has taken a big chunk of my life nowadays. When Ko Billy said every person has "keterikatan", I also have this kind of keterikatan. Ko Billy said his keterikatan is that he always wanted to continue his study in Germany, which he is doing right now.

I think keterikatan proves that I don't depend on Him. I can't enjoy the freedom that He has given and prefer to be bounded by something else. It's one of worst sin for Christian when keterikatan becomes your idol, which I think it's the case for me.

I'm in the state of refusing to let it go, I have hopes and dreams about it. I'm praying for His answer. I know that for every answer that He would give me, it would be very difficult for me. Am I ready to sacrifice? I still can't escape from my keterikatan, from my past, from the thought of my future. I think this is one of my "worst sin", I cannot escape from idolatry, I keep doing this although I know it's wrong. Forgive me, Lord. Let me surrender to Your will. Amen.